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2018-11-25 - 11:21 p.m.

Before any of you start compiling your Christmas play list, please remember that "Do they Know it's Christmas" by Band Aid is NOT a fucking Christmas song.

Christmas songs tend to not have lyrics such as:
"It's a world of dread and fear, where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears."
OR:
"The Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom, well tonight thank God it's them instead of you."
AND:
"The greatest gift they'll get this year is life."

WHAT KIND OF FUCKING CHRISTMAS SONG IS THIS?!?!
You know how "We are the World" isn't a Christmas song? Well the same thing applies here.
Both of these songs were created to raise awareness and money for the conditions going on in Africa.
Might I add, money that those Africans never got.
Listen, if you're dumb enough to give a bunch of flash in the pan drug addict musicians money and honestly think they'll be spending that on Africans, then you're a god damn idiot.
So not only was this song virtually ineffective and sucky, it defies all of the rules of a Christmas, so keep it off the party mix.
Also, for the love of all things holy don't play it in the grocery store, the mecca of excess and greed.
The last thing I need to hear while buying crackers and spreadable port wine cheese is ballads about starvation.

While I have you here though, maybe you should keep the Pogues "Fairytale of New York" off it as well.
"You're an old slut on junk," and "You scumbag, you maggot
you cheap lousy faggot" don't sound very Christmasy either.
If you're looking for 80's Holiday jams may I suggest, "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses, "Last Christmas" by Wham, or "Christmas in Hollis" by Run-D.M.C.
You're guests will thank you.

 

 

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